Men can suffer from domestic abuse in many of the same ways as women including physical violence, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse. It can happen to any man regardless of his age, sexual orientation, social-economic status, culture, or occupation. When it does happen, many men falsely believe that they must keep silent. That a “real man” will just deal with it and not burden others. Perhaps they feel embarrassed, frightened, or think they won’t be believed.

This anonymous self-screening test will help you decide if you might be in an abusive domestic relationship. If you’re a man in an abusive relationship, you don’t have to be alone. You don’t have to be silent. The Men’s Resource Center provides services for victims of domestic violence including Men’s Support Groups and in-person and online counseling.

Created by Randy Flood, 1995.

Instructions

Select Yes or No for each question. Please respond to each item and answer honestly.

After submitting the assessment, please refer to the on-screen results for more information about your relationship.

Assessment

1. I find myself reading my partner’s moods and anticipating his/her needs to avoid abuse.
2. I feel isolated from friends and family.
3. I feel I can’t pursue my dreams of work, school, or other interests because it would upset my partner.
4. My partner often makes me feel like I’m a bad parent.
5. My partner acts like he/she is “king/queen of the castle”, and I feel like his/her servant.
6. I’m afraid to speak my mind or behave in any way that may contradict my partner’s wishes or standards.
7. My partner calls me names and make me feel bad about myself. Sometimes he/she makes me feel like I’m going crazy.
8. Everything is always my fault – the fights, money problems, the children’s problems, etc.
9. I’ve wanted to leave the relationship, but I’m afraid I can’t survive on my own.
10. I’m scared he/she will take the children or that leaving may put me in more danger of abuse.
11. My partner can have times when he/she is really sweet and kind – especially after a fight.
12. He/she promises me he/she will change, so I don’t want to leave because he/she might.
13. I have been pushed, grabbed, slapped, or hit by my partner.
14. I have been scared of his/her anger, fearing escalation from yelling to slamming and breaking objects.
15. I have experienced threats from my partner coercing me into arrangements and agreements against my better judgment.
16. I have experienced coercive or demeaning sexual behavior from my partner.
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

It Is My Life

I bought your book Stop Hurting the Woman You Love last Saturday. I could not put it down. I read it in three days. It is my life. I live with a controlling, angry, abusive man. He admitted to me that he needs help with his problem and he doesn’t know why he acts this way. I bought the book so he can read it. I hope it helps our family.

Anonymous