In the 1960s, Betty Friedan described the invisible emotional pain many women carried as “the problem that has no name.” Today, many men face their own unnamed problem. While public conversation often focuses on toxic masculinity as shorthand for the harm some men cause, far less attention is given to the pain, confusion, and isolation many men carry within themselves.

For 25 years, our mission at the Men’s Resource Center of West Michigan (MRC) has remained constant: helping men develop their humanity and create respectful lives. From the start, we have worked at the intersection of accountability and empathy, choosing a path that holds men responsible for their behavior while recognizing the wounds beneath it. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with men?” we ask, with compassion, “What happened to this man?”

Our Origins: A Different Conversation About Men

When MRC launched in 2000 as part of the Fountain Hill Center, we saw a gap in the helping professions. Men were overrepresented in violence, addiction, and disconnection, but underrepresented in therapy spaces that addressed the roots of those struggles. We envisioned a place where men could safely explore fear, grief, shame, and longing; emotions they were often taught to suppress.

Much like Freud’s belief that talking can be curative, we believed that when men can talk about what scares them, they will scare others less. That insight has guided our work for over a quarter century.

Accountability with Empathy

Accountability at MRC is not a performance of regret. It’s a felt awareness of how one’s behavior impacts others. Empathy is a skill men can learn, not an innate trait they either have or don’t. The Spanish phrase lo siento— “I feel it”—captures the essence of this transformation. Before a man can truly take responsibility, he must first reclaim the emotional life he was told to hide.

Many men arrive at MRC steeped in stoicism and self-reliance, values that served survival but often strangled connection. Unacknowledged pain tends to metastasize into harm. Healing begins when men experience acceptance and humility, especially in community. When one man recognizes his story in another’s, isolation starts to crack, and genuine change takes root.

“You alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone.” — O. Hobart Mowrer
“We do not think ourselves into new ways of living; we live ourselves into new ways of thinking.” — Richard Rohr

These words orient our work. They remind us that recovery is not only about abstaining from harm; it’s about learning to live differently.

The Five Pillars of Our Work

Court-Related Clinical Services

Building safety through accountability.

Our foundational work has been in court-connected clinical services for men who have caused harm. We provide assessments and counseling related to domestic violence, sexual acting out, substance use, and parenting fitness. Our therapists have long collaborated with probation departments and specialty courts, including Kent County’s Domestic Violence Action Network and the Youthful Sex Offender Treatment Program (YSTOP). We also serve family courts through evaluations and counseling for high-conflict divorce and parent–child contact problems. We do this always with a goal of restoring safety and trust for all family members—children, mothers, and fathers.

Depth-Oriented Individual Therapy

Understanding before prescribing.

We reject one-size-fits-all therapy. Our clinicians spend time building trust and exploring each man’s history of trauma, mental health, and relationships. This process helps men see that while they are responsible for their behavior, much of what drives that behavior stems from pain they didn’t choose. Healing that pain allows for greater intimacy, self-respect, and connection.

Understanding Male Socialization

Making the invisible rules visible.

From an early age, boys learn the rules of manhood: don’t cry, don’t need help, be the provider. As psychologist William Pollack observed, boys as young as five begin hiding distress. We help men see how these cultural messages have shaped them and how unlearning them can lead to more balanced, emotionally intelligent, and relationally capable lives.

So many men have learned very negative messages that they did not sign up for, and then have used coping strategies to deal with the pain of those lessons. Many of those coping strategies are unhealthy—overuse of alcohol, overwork, internet pornography, acting out in angry or controlling ways with family, and other behaviors that isolate them from human connection and positive self-care.

Group Therapy and Peer Collaboration

Healing happens together.

Few experiences are as transformative as men’s group work. In our groups, men learn to both give and receive empathy. When they hear their own pain echoed in another’s story, shame loses power. Over the years, MRC has offered process groups, somatic therapy sessions, day-long intensives, and men’s retreats—all designed to help men replace isolation with connection and competition with camaraderie.

Narratives of judgment, resentment, and shame are reduced as men experience compassion, forgiveness, and love from other men who share their struggles.

Spirituality and the Sacred Masculine

From performance to presence.

In our circles, spirituality has come to mean “living with a spirit of love and respect for myself and others.” We invite men to move from performative toughness toward soulful courage. Former NFL player Alex Karras put it well: “It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them. Toughness is in the soul and the spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.”

This is the masculinity we cultivate: Not hardened, but healed. Not dominant, but connected. Not stoic, but soulful.

The sacred masculine is simply infusing masculinity with love and acceptance. As men grow in accountability and connection with others, they can come to believe they are worthy of living an amended life. This is a challenging path, yet it is one rooted in choosing to live with a spirit of love and respect for oneself and for others.

The sacred masculine is not about living with humiliation over mistakes and wrongdoings. It is about embracing one’s full humanity: our negative behaviors rooted in fear and our actions of care rooted in love. It is the courage to recognize both and to trust that we are all worthy of living an amended life.

Expanding the Reach: From Local Roots to Global Impact

Since its founding, MRC has grown from a local initiative to a national and international resource. We’ve expanded our team across generations and disciplines, intentionally diversifying our staff to include therapists of color and incorporating female therapists in our work with men. Through virtual counseling and life-coaching programs, we now reach and serve English-speaking men around the globe.

We also invest in prevention and education. Our Altogether Boys pilot program reached middle-school boys with early lessons about masculine identity, empathy, respect, and emotional literacy. We imagine a future where that program will become a priority (similar to Girls, Inc.) and appropriately funded.

Additionally, we offer professional trainings on male-specific therapy, helping other clinicians learn this integrative model. And through the Revealing Men podcast, we invite listeners into candid conversations that pull back the curtain on men’s interior lives, thereby continuing the dialogue beyond our offices and into the wider culture.

Looking Ahead: Our Next 25 Years

Men need both structure and acceptance, accountability and compassion. Our vision is not to pit men against others, but to help heal the divides within and between us all.

As we celebrate this milestone, we do so with gratitude: for the thousands of men who have trusted us, for the partners and families who have walked alongside them, and for the community that continues to believe in this work.

When men reclaim their humanity, everyone benefits.

The work continues—in therapy rooms, courtrooms, schools, online spaces, and community gatherings. We move forward not as finished products but as practitioners of ongoing growth.

Here’s to the next 25 years of helping men live with courage, humility, and heart.